It's something I've been thinking about as I lounge on the quilted, tree-canopied hammock near my neighbor's property. (Here, my boys and their friends get to do the lounging.) Is it okay for me to just... be? Well, the answer, of course, is DUH! But, how easy is it to do?
Since my first son was born, nearly ten years ago, life's been fairly non-stop. I've designed it that way. Ever the over-achiever, I feel accomplished and worthwhile when busy. Plus, there's the added bonus of avoiding all those thoughts in my head that can stampede over my self-esteem if I don't counter them with symbolic gold medals. There was September Smiles, a non-profit that helped families facing the loss of a loved one. There was The Weston Park Project, another non-profit,which spent seven years building a playground and shared the loss of a member and friend. The PTA, the pre-school fundraiser, the kids' ball games and music lessons, nursing a baby, nursing more babies, moving from Westchester to Weston to another house in Weston to Westport to another house in Westport. Marriage.
I was burning out.
After the preschool auction in March of 2010, I quit. I really just quit pretty much everything. My kids were throwing tantrums because they were starved for attention. Who was I doing all this auction stuff for, anyway? I held a coming-out party for myself and invited girlfriends over to learn bread-making from a master baker (Amit's Breads) in my kitchen.
My latest volunteer project has been to connect with my friends, family, earth, and myself. Being a school-parent is like being back in school, and I had to stop trying to be popular.
Flash-forward a year and here is Wishful Thinking Farm. Pretty, right? Oh, there are some backyard gardens lovelier than mine, I'm sure, but I just feel so good here and want to share it. Last night my family went to dinner at the home of some new friends, and I brought an arugula salad topped with radishes from my garden. That's the kind of accomplishment I'm talkin' about.
Bored? Nah. Between watering the seedlings, feeding the chicks, cooking the meals, keeping the house, meeting a friend at the Westport Farmer's Market, and, yes, taking the kids to their ball games and music lessons, I'm still plenty busy. But, instead of being fried and irritable, I'm a little looser and far more satisfied.
If I don't manage to get to my computer all day - even to blog - well, that's okay. I must have been doing, or being, something magical out there on the "farm."
WISHES AND THANKFULS:
My wish this morning is for the weekend's rain to restore our lawn to health. If that doesn't work, then we probably have grass-massacring grubs, which will make my husband quite unhappy.
I am thankful today for the slowness of spring. My peas and beets remind me to take my time - that the sweetest kind of growth requires ample time simply lounging in the sun.